Dialogues – ElPropósito4 min de lectura

When questions matter

This week I’m about to finish a book I picked to start the year. I’ll admit I started two books at once: Globalismo, a masterpiece by the great Agustín Laje (his latest book to date), and Encuentra tu persona vitamina by Dr. Marián Rojas Estapé. I’d seen the second one several times in bookstores, and my attention always drifted as I walked past it. I finally gave it a chance, and it has been a real revelation: a "bedside book," as the author often says about her own work and about other authors she considers essential.

I’m now three quarters of the way through and very excited about a section on inner dialogue and how to improve the conversations we have with ourselves. I’ll confess my inner dialogue has often been far from ideal; it tends to betray me. Still, I’ve found ways to improve how I talk to myself, and one of the most valuable tools has been the question.

As a coach, I partner with my clients in their inner and outer dialogues. We talk about goals, challenges and aspirations, and the central tool is always the question: how good it is and where it points. I apply this to myself too, constantly "self-coaching." I also seek out moments of dialogue with Jesus and Mary, visiting the Blessed Sacrament and praying the Rosary, where I notice how the mind wanders, focuses and returns to the present. I’ve concluded that the quality of our questions determines the quality of our answers. One sentence in Dr. Rojas Estapé’s book struck me deeply: "People with low self-esteem have an inner voice that beats them down."

It made me reflect on a practice I’d started before reading it: asking myself what kind of relationship I have with my inner voice.

One big problem with our inner voice is that we rarely question it. We simply accept and obey it, as if we had no power to push back. Sometimes it acts like a tyrant, and we bow our heads and comply. That silent submission robs us of our freedom. There is a way out. Since ancient times, people have had methods for learning to talk with themselves better. The Stoics, for example, offered tools to separate what we can control from what we can’t. That matters, because a mind left unguided can act like a runaway horse that only stops once the prophecies it fears come true.

Is there a universal set of questions for managing the inner voice? I don’t think so. Every situation calls for its own questions. The mind tends to avoid open questions, probably to save energy, and prefers simple yes-or-no ones. Open questions are the ones that truly lead to reflection, and they’re where the dialogue gains quality.

It also matters a great deal whom we ask. That’s why we entrust our deepest stories to people we value. So a key question comes up: how good a companion am I to myself in the conversations I have with myself? Asking it is a powerful exercise, because improving our inner dialogue changes how we see things and changes our reality too.

Warm regards and all the best,

• Rodrigo Baccaro
• P.S. This week’s VELA is:
  Watching: Jordan Peterson & Tony Robbins. If there is anything good online, it’s this, and it’s worth watching. Every word of the conversation between two titans I admire is pure gold.
  Listening to: Audiolibros. A channel on Spotify and another jewel in the crown, worth discovering.
  Reading: Encuentra tu persona vitamina. A book of books to start the year on the right foot. It’s worth it, so don’t put off reading it.
  Learning: The Lion Diet. A diet I discovered thanks to Mikhaila Peterson, and I like it more and more.
  VELA is the acronym that goes with me every day and sums up four habits through which I try to see (Ver), listen to (Escuchar), read (Leer) and learn (Aprender) something. It is a set of habits that helps me stay focused; I try to do a VELA and a REMO every day. REMO is another acronym I came up with, and it has to do with my morning routine, the first thing I do as soon as I get up, always in the same order: pray (Rezar), exercise (Ejercitarme), meditate (Meditar) and organize my day (Organizar). My life is like a boat I try to steer through my life purpose. The VELA, the sail, is pushed by the wind of things someone else has made, and the REMO, the oar, is what is in my hands to do to move the boat forward.

Author: Rodrigo Baccaro

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