Boundaries – ElPropósito3 min de lectura

The borders that protect us (and hold us back)

Why set boundaries? And when does a good boundary turn into a bad one? Boundaries exist because life without them becomes unsustainable. Still, not every limit we set has the same origin or the same effect. Some come from an honest read of what we can sustain with integrity. Others show up almost by inertia: lines we’ve been telling ourselves for years, decisions we avoid because "that’s not my thing," or because at some point someone, maybe we ourselves, decided that was as far as we’d go. The difference between the two determines whether a boundary brings order to your life or simply hems it in, and in many cases even makes it smaller.

Some boundaries make sense and are worth defending firmly. Limits on the time we give to things we didn’t choose, on the emotional energy we’ll put into relationships that only drain us, on our exposure to environments that cloud our thinking. These boundaries usually come from a realistic look at what we can do and what we value. Set deliberately, they give what matters room to breathe and keep what adds nothing from taking over.

The problem starts when a limit reflects an old conclusion nobody questions anymore, with no current assessment behind it. "I’m not the kind of person who…" or "that’s not for me" may have made sense at one point in life. Over time it becomes an invisible wall that no longer protects anything and only holds you back. These unexamined, self-imposed limits come far more often from wanting to avoid the discomfort of growing than from any real lack of ability.

The tricky part is that these false limits usually show up dressed as realism, prudence, even humility. "Better not to risk it." "I’m too old to start that." "I don’t have the profile." It sounds sensible. Step back a little, though, and the real limit often turns out to be a decision, frequently unconscious, to avoid the risk of failing or of having to redefine yourself. Outside circumstances and scarce resources play a much smaller part.

These limits get in the way of our growth in many ways, and above all persistently, through that inner voice that so often works against us. They shrink the playing field before we’ve explored how far we could go. They rule out real opportunities in advance. And, most costly of all, they create a feeling of stability that is really just the comfort of the familiar, a long way from the life of someone living as close as possible to their own potential.

Maturity lies in telling apart the limits that keep us whole from the ones that simply keep us comfortable inside a smaller version of ourselves. Getting rid of every limit was never the point. A limit you never revisit stops being a tool and becomes an identity. And once a limit becomes an identity, it stops protecting you: it defines you and, in doing so, confines you.

Because our time is finite, holding on to limits that no longer serve us has a cost that isn’t always visible right away, but it adds up. Whether we need boundaries is settled. The real question is whether the limits we defend most fiercely today help us grow, or keep us from finding out how far we could go if we stopped putting obstacles in our own path that nobody else is putting there anymore.

Which limit that you take for granted today would turn out, on honest inspection, to have no current reason behind it, only a conclusion you reached long ago? Are you willing to examine at least one of those self-imposed limits and ask what would happen if, for a set period, you stopped defending it? And what boundary should you be setting today?

Warm regards and all the best,

Rodrigo Baccaro

Author: Rodrigo Baccaro

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